Fighting Ageism

I recently read an article on Ageism and it totally captured my attention. As a member of the “Sandwich Generation”, in that I have an aging parent to care for as well as three growing children of my own with their various demands to pay attention to as well. I feel this growing set of issues and conflict frequently. Both have their needs and demands, and both are legitimate. Both have a need to be respected, feel respected, and to have the ability and opportunity to have a full and productive life….right up to the end. The bottom line is that no matter how old we are, we all need to know we have something to offer, that we are valued and appreciated, that our voices count. The Three Plagues of loneliness, helplessness, and boredom exist, in part, due to ageism in our society. When people resort to snap judgments, don’t take the time to know us well as individuals, and write us off as either “too young” or “too old,” we never have the opportunity to share our talents, our gifts, or our generosity. Pigeon-holed by our age, we become ripe for boredom and boredom can be lethal. Take the recent tragedy involving the random shooting in Oklahoma of an Australian baseball player by youth claiming to be “bored.” While an extreme example, it’s a painful reminder that the Three Plagues, gone unchecked, are indeed deadly. When youth aren’t invited to give back, or to contribute somehow, some way, they are going to give up… just like an Elder, who gives up talking, walking, or eating in an impersonal care environment. To fight ageism, we have to all be fully invested in the fight. This means combating all ageism – ageist behavior aimed at youth and Elders alike. Here’s the Catch 22. When we advocate for ending ageism against Elders – while simultaneously writing off youth – we actually exacerbate ageism toward Elders. How can we expect youth to appreciate the contributions of older people, when we turn around and disrespect theirs? It only deepens the gulf between the two. We need to consciously create what is referred to as an intergenerational experience to build a meaning bridge between the generations. Keeping both engaged, allowing both groups to participate and contribute in meaningful ways, and creating a feeling of mutual respect. There are many, many opportunities for both groups to interact with each other in supportive meaningful ways with we help create and facilitate the interactions.

Thanksgiving

It is so easy for us to get lost in the activities, and festivities, of the Holidays and lose sight of what they mean, why we set them aside as "National Holidays". For me,Thanksgiving is a very special Holiday in that its very name describes what it is suppose to represent....a day to spend time recognizing and giving thanks. Speaking for myself, I know I simply do not always take the time to recognize those things, people, or events in my life for which I should give thanks. The irony is that it is not all that hard to stop for a few seconds and appreciate and be thankful, but we do tend to make it hard for ourselves. We wait for an entire year, Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving, to stop and reflect and be thankful....and then we have difficulty remembering all of what we have in our lives for which to be thankful.

I so appreciate that as we age that it is often difficult to feel joyful about our current situation....all the aches and pains, the deteriorating eyesight, the chronic illnesses, the rising cost of living on a fixed income, the loss of friends and family....but we can, and should be thankful for life. Be thankful for what we do have in our lives...the fact we live in the United States as a free, democratic society, the joy of a bright sunny day, the sound of laughter, the moments that are pain free. Often times we can be so focused on the negative aspects we can't see, can't hear, the joyful and beautiful aspects.

I believe we have this choice. We can choose to be joyful, positive and thankful. It isn't always easy....in fact, it can be very hard sometimes to make this choice. However, it has been my experience in this business, that those who do choose to be joyful, positive and thankful lead longer more fulfilling lives, right up to the very end. I am thankful for this lesson in my life, and I choose to be thankful and happy.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Holiday Blahs.....

Every year around this time I can not help but reflect on my father and his bouts of seasonal depression. As he aged into his seventies it seemed to get progressively worse. Along about Halloween, usually well before Thanksgiving, he would start becoming more and more isolated. More withdrawn. More "down in the dumps" and, just generally, increasingly sad. Often his primary care physician described it as Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) which was a big, catchall bucket that I am not convinced actually did much for my father. The general diagnosis did not make my father feel better, nor did he actually receive any kind of therapy to treat it.

Every year, it would begin in early fall and seem to peak around Thanksgiving but then linger around until Christmas. There were times when Dad was so severely depressed that all he could do was cry. He missed his mother and father, his siblings whom had passed away, and other relatives and friends that had long since departed. Perhaps it was his way of internalizing his own mortality during the metaphorical "autumn" of his own life. Whatever the case, I felt helpless to help him. Think about it, a young man helping his elder father (another male)deal with emotions. We weren't genetically wired as men, or smart enough as individuals, to deal with his situation in a healthy beneficial way.

Now, years later, after Dad has passed away, I reflect on him and his srtuggles. Now, I am smarter having dealt with this issue of depression in older people, seasonal or otherwise. There is help to be found, all kinds of help available these days - whether it is social support groups, pet therapy, medical therapy, or therapy through the use of other technologies. Whatever the mechanism, there is help if you look for it.

Help is there for the family, and family care givers as well. Yes, the person dealing with the depression needs help but so do the family members trying to care for them. Don't overlook this aspect of your own health. If you are going to be there, there to help your loved one, you have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally strong yourself. Agencies like Home Instead are there to help both the senior, and the family through issues such as seasonal depression. Please, for everybody's benefit, reach out and understand your options.

Having dealt with this for over five years with my Dad, I know what it means to need help and relief. There is help. There is help, there is Home Instead.

Vitamins, are they really bad for us?

Recently there has been a spate of articles in the press stating that the very vitamins we have been encouraged for years to take as daily nutritional supplements may in fact significantly decrease our lifespan. Just today I read an article that said Vitamin E, which has been recommended for years as the best way for men to reduce the risk of cancer, may be responsible for an increase in prostate cancer. Does this sound vaguely familiar to the cycle of "eat eggs they are good food....don't eat eggs because they are bad for cholesterol.....to once again, eat eggs cause they're good for you"?? There are studies that show virtually anything you want them to, so what are we to believe? Are there studies available through the AMA which has conclusive data and results? Should we all immediately stop taking our 1-a-days?

Vitamins are drugs. Drugs are chemicals. Food at its essence is chemicals as well. But, no one is recommending we stop eating, are they? We will always be reminded, and rightfully so, to eat responsibly. Eat healthy foods. Eat balanced diets. Eat smaller, more appropriate, portions (not "super-sizing" everything). Often we find this sage wisdom easier said than done for any number of legitimate reasons. Vitamins taken in the appropriate and recommended daily dosages, are meant to help us with healthy balances when our food intake and diet do not.

I am not a doctor. I am not a research scientist. I do; however, consider myself to be educated and in good health. My good health I attribute to eating "pretty" healthy most of the time and I take daily vitamin supplements to help me with balancing my nutrition. I also exercise regularly, drink lots of water, and get an annual check up with my doctor during which I always get my blood tested.

I for one am not going to give up my vitamins since I believe they do help me stay healthier than I might be otherwise. I hope I am right about this. I will continue to watch the media for any further information that gets conveyed and should it begin to show conclusive data that vitamins are indeed bad for us, then I will change my diet by eating my words.

Thought for the day....are you accepting??

I recently read a post on the FB page of Oriah Mountain Dreamer which I felt was worthy of re-posting.

"And that’s the biggest difference between acceptance and resignation: resignation feels like defeat and breeds hopelessness and helplessness; acceptance of what is, even when conditions pose real difficulties, helps us focus on what remains and can be cultivated without denying real loss. It encourages us to see and allows gratitude to arise for what can be enjoyed even in the face of difficulties beyond our control. And acceptance opens the door to spontaneous compassion for those who are facing similar or more serious limitations.
Resignation is a shrinking, a turning away from life. Acceptance is an expansion, an opening that helps us find the courage to be who we are and do what we can. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but I am deeply grateful to have had the time and a place close to the earth where I could see through some of my denial, wrestle with and step away from resignation, and find renewed awareness and acceptance. . . . again!"

As we all age and face dealing with chronic ailments and changing life conditions....many are harder to deal with than others...and our ability to accept them vs. resign ourselves to them I believe is critical to our ability to live a healthy life as we age. Comments??

Volunteerism

The need for volunteers to provide community service is ever present. Why volunteer? Why be bothered?

I often hear seniors complain about being alone, being isolated. In fact,survey after survey shows that isolationism is the number one issue for our seniors population. I don't get it. There are so many things that need to be done, so many opportunities to get engaged in the community, it is hard for me to really understand how people can not find something worthwhile to engage in for themselves. Yes, I appreciate that often there are numerous obstacles to overcome, such as transportation, but all too often these are excuses not reality.

Years ago when my children were much younger they were "made" to do community service. We volunteered through our church to serve Holiday dinners at the local food pantry for homeless families, we volunteered to clean the parks through the boyscouts, we collected food for the local food pantry, and we donated money annually to a charity of my kids choosing. Why did we do this? Because, I felt it was important that my children develop an appreciation for something larger than themselves. They needed to understand the sense of community and their place in it. They also needed to appreciate how fortunate they were compared to some, and not only to remain humble but to give back to the community as much as possible to help those less fortunate.

Did these lessons always work? Did they ultimately learn this appreciation? Yes; but I confess, I had help. In 2007, while living in San Diego area, we lost our home and all our belongings in one of the area's wild fires fueled by the Santa Ana winds. It was terribly traumatic for the family; but, especially the kids. However, they lived through it and are better for it. They experienced first hand the value of community service and volunteerism as a recipient. All of a sudden they were truly homeless, without personal possessions. They had no home, with a warm bed, in which to sleep. All the clothes they had were the ones they were wearing. All of a sudden, when someone they didn't know held out a helping hand, they understood the value.

My daughter, who at the time was entering her senior year of highschool, used this experience as the basis of her college admissions essay. This was her very big and personal "AHA" moment. Now all those years of "forced" volunteer work she was made to do made sense to her. She had now benefitted and was able to internalize the value to herself, and in turn others. She was overwhelmed with the graciousness and unselfish giving from the community - churches, schools, other organizations - but more specifically from her friend, peers, and other warm hearted individuals. It was personal, it was a person- to- person caring that she felt. It was what let her move forward and recover from the fire's trauma on her life. She continues to reach out to others through her volunteer work and I believe she always will.

This was true for my other children as well.

Should this type of personal trauma be necessary for someone to learn the value of community service and the value of being a volunteer? NO. But, it does serve the purpose to illustrate how it does occasionally come full circle. Seniors who can volunteer, should. it solves the problem of being isolated from the community, it establishes tremendous personal esteem, and it absolutely benefits others who need it the most! Comments?

Seniors and their pets....

Last week my mother's dog died.

My Mom is 87 years old, and for the past 14+ years has lived alone with her dog, Blackie. Blackie was a mixture of shepherd, collie, and who know what else but to my mom he was pure gold. He was her sole, and soul, companion for most days. They had a very special relationship to say the least. Seven years ago my Mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer and had to have her stomach removed as part of the prescribed therapy. She lives today, healthier than before her diagnosis, thanks to her dog, Blackie. On those days, in the weeks and months immediately following her surgery, when she felt like she couldn't, or didn't want to go on, she did so simply to take care of her dog. She made herself not only get out of bed, during her surgery recovery, but she made herself go out and walk her dog. Not only did this help, if not accelerate, her physical recovery but it also gave her the mental and spiritual activity she needed to stay engaged in her own well being, for the well being of her pet. My family owes a great deal to this animal!

He served not only as her constant companion, but also as her protector. The neighborhood we were raised in, like many in urban areas, has significantly changed over the past 40+ years. The demographics changed along with an absence of pride in home ownership. The collegial family atmosphere of our childhood neighborhood simply disappeared to be replaced with an atmosphere of drugs, hoodlums, violence, and fear. Still, my Mom would walk her dog twice a day without fear. Once, out on one of their early morning excursions, they were attacked by a neighbor's untethered pitbull terrier. Mom ended up with multiple wounds on her forearms but Blackie prevailed until help arrived in the form of a friendly motorist who noticed their dilemma and stopped to help them. Blackie was known and respected throughout her neighborhood. Candidly, this protected Mom...kept her safe in her home as most knew to keep their distance from her protector, Blackie.

Now Blackie is gone and I find myself worrying much more about my Mom. I worry about her safety and her overall sense of well being. I have tried to convince her to move from her home (and neighborhood) or to get another pet, another "Blackie"; but her response, "I am likely not to be here long enough to raise another dog, and I am not moving from my home!". Many of us tend to take pets for granted, or even find them a nuisance with which we a forced to tolerate. In his death, I have gained new appreciation, not just for Blackie; but, for every pet that provides irreplaceable companionship for our seniors. Anyone, disagree??